The Partime Job
by The Sleepless Dreamer
Summary: An idea i had, what if death (from the Terry Pratchett-Universe) had to look after the Buffy-Universe, and meet the scoobies. Please r&r!!
1. Mistakes Do Happen

DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTER IN THIS FIC BELONG TO THEIR OWNERS AND NOT ME. BLAH. BLAH. THE USUAL STUFF.  
  
NOTE: THIS FIC IS BASED IN THE FIRST SERIES 1  
  
MISTAKES DO HAPPEN  
  
Xander was doing his usual distraction part. This was letting the head demon to beat him sense less. Right from the start of life Xander wasn't one for fighting, in every school in the world there that kid that's, you know that one. Bullied, beating and made to fell like hell. Well even he beat up Xander. Usually he would wake up after a few hits with Buffy, Willow, Giles or even Cordy standing over him. But not tonight because just as he blacked out, an over-zealous angel was flying overhead.  
  
He woke up in a strange, place a set of large gates in font of him, but nothing else. Except the old man at the gate sitting behind a desk. Looking through a large, old, book. "Next!" called the old man. Xander suddenly realised he was at the front of the queue. He stepped forward. "Name?" the man never looked up.  
  
"Xander Harris."  
  
The man frowned, "Full name, please."  
  
"Alexander Lavelle Harris."  
  
He scanned down the page and the next one. "One moment please" He lifted out a laptop form a drawer. He typed something in and scratched his head. "How old are you?"  
  
"17."  
  
"Well, well we have a mistake." He lifted a telephone at his side. "Hello. Yes front desk here we seem to have a problem could you come up here now. Thanks."  
  
There was a puff of smoke and the Grim Reaper stood at the side of the desk. His hood was down showing his skull in its full glory. His eyes where to tiny dot of pale blue light. YES, the word just appeared in his mind deaths jaw didn't move.  
  
"This boy is here to early he not to be here for another 90 years" the man looked at death unflinchingly.  
  
HMMM. THAT IS STRANGE. NEVER BEEN WRONG BEFORE. Death looked at Xander for the first time. DON'T REMEMBER TAKING HIM. He took a small notepad from inside his robe. WHAT'S HIS NAME.  
  
"Alexander Lavelle Harris, number 1526687484779216" the man read it of the screen.  
  
LETS SEE, NUMBER 1526687484779216. NO, NOT SEEN HIM TODAY. MAYBE IT WAS ONE OF YOU'RE LOT AGAIN, Death looked at the old man, WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME. AND IT VERY INCONVENIENT I DON'T HOW THE OTHER ONE COPES.  
  
"I'll check" he lifted up a small PA microphone next to him. "Will the angel responable for delivering number 1526687484779216, please report to the front desk. I repeat, will the angel responable for delivering number 1526687484779216, please immediately report to the front desk. Thank you."  
  
A man in a bright white suit appeared a moment later. "Yes?"  
  
"Ah, Connor where did you pick him up?" The man turned to the angel.  
  
"A Qonthor Demon layer. I made sure his heart had stopped. He was dead."  
  
"Yes but he was to be revived. Oh dear well it may be alright. Death if you would please."  
  
OK, WHERE'S HE TO GO.  
  
"Sunnydale, California." He turned back to the queue, "Next!"  
  
IF YOU WOULD FOLLOW ME. Xander followed death in a state of shock.  
  
"Am, I. dead."  
  
WELL TECHNICALLY. BUT YOU WILL BE BACK SOON.  
  
"And your death?"  
  
WELL YES BUT NOT OF THIS UNIVERSE. HE HAD A BREAKDOWN I JUST STANDING IN FOR A FEW MONTHS. Death led him to a small stable. In it stood a white horse, not a skeletal horse as you might expect, but one made of flesh, not just bone.  
  
"I thought you rode a Skeleton for a horse." Xander still not quite grasping that he was dead.  
  
HAD ONE THE HEAD FELL OFF EVERYWHERE. IT WAS IMPRACTICAL. Death saddled the horse. HIS NAME'S BLINKY HE'S QUITE FRIENDLY. Blinky began to nuzzle Xanders shirt.  
  
"Hey! That's new!" The horse carried on regardless. "Hey stop it!" The horse stared him in the eye and gave him a look he thought that horses couldn't give. Those looks of 'I know and see if I care.' It went back to eating his shirt. "Damn!"  
  
Death got on to the horse and helped Xander up. SO, SUNNYDALE LIVED THEIR LONG? Blinky took to the air and disappeared. 


	2. Noticing when things go wrong, always he...

DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTER IN THIS FIC BELONG TO THEIR OWNERS AND NOT ME. BLAH. BLAH. THE USUAL STUFF.  
  
Noticing, when things go wrong, always helps!  
  
Buffy had been a little distracted in the demons lair and hadn't noticed what happen to the other Scoobies. A rather large demon had a lot to do with it. Also her line of sight, had been reduced due its fat and distended body. But after it had dissolved, (in a way the wicked witch from the west would have only dreamed of,) she glanced around at her friends. Angel was doing his best to look mysterious while being covered in demonic bodily fluids. Giles and Willow where at the entrance of the cave trying to get some air. Xander was slumped against a wall. Buffy knew at once something wasn't right she rushed over to him. She started to shake him, "Xander, wake up. Xander! XANDER!" The others rushed over. "  
  
"What wrong?" Angel asked as he reached her.  
  
"It Xander he's-"  
  
Willow caught up with them. "Xander!?"  
  
"C.P.R! Start C.P.R!" Angel began to massage Xanders heart. "Hurry!" The girls looked blankly at each other for a second. Buffy was the first to react, she took a deep breath and forced the air into Xanders lungs. Angel began to count, "1,2,3,4,5." On five, Buffy forced another breath into Xanders body.  
  
"Live, c'mon Xander live." Tears began to well in willow eyes. The realisation of Xanders life ebbing away suddenly hit them all. 


	3. Out of body, thingy

DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTER IN THIS FIC BELONG TO THEIR OWNERS AND NOT ME. BLAH. BLAH. THE USUAL STUFF.  
  
Out of body, thingy...  
  
See, Blinky was no ordinary horse. He couldn't be, he had to be able to go anywhere at any time. And time was the key word of that sentence. Due to his unique situation he had unique powers, flight being one. Xander had seen a lot in the last year. Most of it was bizarre, but a time travelling, faster than light, flying horse had to be in his top ten. Its Master was already there. Death turned to him, SO YOU WHERE BORN IN SUNNYDALE, REMARKABLE YOU MADE IT TO 17. NOT A WIZARD ARE U?  
  
"Mmmmm. no just kind of lucky I guess."  
  
THAT'S MORE THAN LUCKY. SOME ONE MUST BE LOOKING AFTER YOU.  
  
"Yeah her names Buffy!" Xander had to yell as the hit a bit of chrono turbulence.  
  
AHHH, THE SLAYER I'VE HEARD OF HER. SHE'S SENT ME A LOT OF DEMONIC BUSINESS LATELY. The air around them turned from the colours of the rainbow to clouded starless sky. NEARLY THERE NOW. Blinky banked sharply to the right, and descended. They came to a halt near a very familiar cave.  
  
"That didn't take long. So what do we do now?"  
  
FOLLOW ME. Death dismounted and headed into the cave. In front of them they saw a seen of chaos on pause. Angel sat straddled over Xander motionless body, with his hands clasped over his chest. Buffys lips where pressed against his slightly blue ones. RIGHT, STAND OVER THERE. A faint blue aura appeared around Xander. Death went over to the body and grabbed it. RIGHT COME HERE. Xander walked over to him. THIS MIGHT HURT. Xander forced his bony hand into Xanders head. His chest burned and limbs ached. SEE YOU LATER.  
  
* * *  
  
Xanders eyes shoot open and his chest expanded. Buffy jumped back in shock, Angel got off of Xander. Willow leapt forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. Xander struggled to cough. "Some space would be nice Will." Willow slowly moved away. Buffy leapt forward now. "Air." Buffy had to let go. All of a sudden Giles lost his older, wiser and English cool. He also grabbed Xander. This was not what Xander had expected to happen when returning from the grave, or heaven at least. After Giles had been persuaded to leave Xander alone. Xander looked at Angel, "Don't you want a go?"  
  
"No, I don't like you and I'm not that hungry."  
  
"Well if every ones finished I would like to go home."  
  
"Oh, no. We're going to hospital for a check up." Buffy said while lifting him up.  
  
"Hey! I'm fine let me go." Xander struggled, but not to hard.  
  
"Xander, you just died! Your not fine, you can't be fine." Willow walk behind them.  
  
"But I'm ok. Let me go." He struggled weakly he was starting to like this.  
  
"Be quiet you stupid, self indulgent, moron. We're going to the hospital, regardless of what you feel." Giles slapped him on the head. "And that's for dying." 


End file.
